


you belong among the wildflowers

by weatheredlaw



Category: Horizon: Zero Dawn (Video Game)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Cancer, Canonical Character Death, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Mild Language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-16
Updated: 2019-02-16
Packaged: 2019-10-29 12:02:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17807642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/weatheredlaw/pseuds/weatheredlaw
Summary: (i have seen no other who compares with you)or: aloy applied for the barista job at nora's brave on a whim. she wasn't expecting it to lead to erend, and eventually to all of...this.





	you belong among the wildflowers

**Author's Note:**

> hey! i like this ship! it needed a coffee shop au! i'm gonna go finish the fuckin' game now.

Rost had always said that working built character. Aloy is pretty sure he meant the sort of hard, productive labor he spent his life doing, the kind when you were done there was a house standing where one hadn’t been before, or a well was dug and people had water. She doubts restocking the croissants is anything Rost would consider character building, but he isn’t around anymore to tell her how he might feel about it.

She hates that part. She hates that part the most. The part where she could just ask him anything and he’d tell her what he thought. No judgment, no ridicule. Aloy figures he’d have _something_ to say about her current situation — that being: half her body inside the pastry case, trying to line the croissants up just the way Vala likes them.

Aloy adores Vala. But Vala works for her mother, which means everything has to be perfect, everything has to be spotless, and the croissants have to be lined up at a very specific angle, in a very specific amount. Not for the first time Aloy allows the macabre appreciation for her orphan status to cross her mind. At least Rost only ever expected her to show up to a site once in a while, learn something new, something she could use. But that’s not fair to think. Sona is a good boss, and a good mom. Vala and Varl are lucky.

Aloy extricates herself from the pastry case and shuts it. It’s a slow day, and normally she’d be working with Vala, but Vala has an advisor’s meeting and Aloy can handle the afternoon rush pretty well. If she needs him, she knows Varl will pretend to get sick in his physics lab and run to help her, since this location is the one closest to campus. Other than that though, she’s on her own, which leaves her to take stock of the midweek afternoon regulars.

First off there’s Nil, who might not even _be_ in school. He just shows up a few times a week to loudly debate with some philosophy majors in the corner about individualism. Nil is nice, if not a little unsettling. He makes very intense, very direct eye contact, but he always orders something, unlike the people he argues with.

Sylens comes in on Tuesdays and Thursdays for an hour or so. He’s one of Aloy’s professors, though he usually pretends he doesn’t know her when she takes his order — unless she hasn’t turned in a paper. Which has definitely been a few times.

Sometimes Petra comes in and flirts a little, but not usually on Tuesdays. Petra is an eager mechanical engineering student and while Aloy adores her, Varl _has_ asked her more than once not to build miniature trebuchets in the café. It hasn’t been very effective.

And of course, sitting in his usual spot, with a cup of tea that’s long gone cold, is Erend. Aloy only knows his name because it’s on his debit card, though that doesn’t mean they haven’t spoken. Erend has an infinite well of clever quips he seems to draw from, and Aloy always has the exact same smile to give in return. Erend is a geology doctoral student, but Aloy only knows that from Petra, who took a class from him a couple years ago and happens to live in the same apartment complex.

He grades papers a few afternoons a week, right until they close. A few times, Aloy’s closed things down on her own and, feeling kind of sorry for him, she’s let the lights stay on just a little bit longer than is technically allowed. Erend hasn’t seemed to notice, though he does always pull back from his work with a start when she flicks the switch a few times, hurriedly grabbing his things and tossing a quick, “Thanks!” over his shoulder as he rushes out. He seems nice, but kind of distracted. Busy. The kind of person Rost would have told her to spend her time with.

“Busy people are productive people. Productive people make the world a better place.” He’d have been disappointed that she doesn’t use her status as a barista at the most popular coffee shop near campus to her advantage. That she even _got_ the job is a miracle — Vala told her they very rarely hire, and even more rarely outside the family. The person who had her job before was a cousin, and he only left because he finally got into law school. Aloy is lucky. Nora’s Brave is a trendy spot — they have live music on the weekends, poetry slams on Wednesdays when they stay open until eleven. They roast their own beans, sell Nora’s Brave mugs and shirts and sweaters. Their other locations don’t get as busy, but it’s a local staple. Aloy is recognized on campus. People ask her to do things, invite her places — parties, club meetings, shows around town.

She always ducks out at the last minute, or doesn’t bother to agree at all. People are exhausting. Doing things with them even more so. There is nothing like the warm embrace of her little one bedroom at the end of the day, its overstuffed yellow couch and bright blue walls. It was one of Rost’s old investment properties. Something he left for her. Something she could keep. Every inch of it bares his mark — his attention to details in renovations was well-known. Often times contractors will recognize her from her times on different job sites, telling her how much they miss him, how things in this line of work just...aren’t the same without him.

Aloy always smiles, always nods and takes their compliments. Sometimes they invite her to dinner, to meet their families. She declines because she doesn’t need that. Family. She had Rost and what she has now is the memory of him. That sustains her.

That...is enough.

Today, she leans her elbow on the counter and watches the last few customers other than Erend leave the café, shouting their goodbyes to her as they go. Aloy waves and starts cleaning things up, keeping one eye on Erend who hasn’t looked up from his papers in almost an hour. His neck must _kill_ him, she thinks. She goes around the counter and toward his table, stopping in front of it and tapping on the corner.

“Your tea’s gone cold, professor. Again.”

“Hm?” He sort of _grunts_ at her, makes a few more marks before he looks up. “What?”

“Your _tea._ ”

“My...oh. Oh! My _tea._ Shit, yeah.” He picks up the cup, wincing as he takes a sip. “Yeah that’s bad. Sorry. Uh, what time is it?”

“Nearly close.”

He nods and taps his phone. The little clock reads _8:58_. “Damn. Okay, two minutes left, I can do this.”

“Just take it home.”

He looks up again. “That’s funny.”

Aloy shrugs and starts stacking chairs. Erend never notices this part, but she can feel his gaze on her, now, like she hasn’t before.

“Do you always do that when I’m here?”

“ _Yep._ ”

“Damn,” he mutters again. “I really don’t notice shit, huh?”

“To be fair, I’ve never talked to you right before close before.”

“No. You haven’t,” he says, and now he’s shutting things down, closing his laptop before he gets up and starts putting chairs on tables himself.

Aloy starts. “Hey! Knock that off, do your stuff.”

“You’ve kept this place open for me before. Like, more than a few times.”

Aloy ducks her head, neck flushing. “Didn’t realize you’d noticed.”

“I didn’t,” he admits. “Not the first couple times you did it. Then Petra said something, she was in here with you.”

“Are you guys friends?”

Erends shrugs. “We’ve lived in the same complex for a while. She took my course on natural disasters a couple years ago. She’s good people,” he adds. “Anyway, you shouldn’t be doing stuff like that for me. Just toss my ass to the curb.” He stacks the last couple chairs. “See? Many hands, light work.”

 _Rost used to say that_ , Aloy thinks, and very nearly says. But Erend is going back to his table and getting his things together, shouldering the leather strap of his bag and putting his chair on the table.

“It’s Aloy, right?”

“Yeah.”

He smiles, extends a hand. “I’m Erend.”

Aloy takes his hand. Nothing feels particularly different afterward, but she does think about his smile as she locks the café up behind her, and while she’s standing under the streetlight and waiting for the bus. He called Petra good people, but she’s said the same about him. Aloy isn’t particularly sure _why_ , but she thinks she’d like to know him better.

Besides, it’d do her good to have friends she doesn’t work with.

 

* * *

 

“I love my mother—”

“But.”

“There’s no but,” Vala says, and Aloy moves around her to restock the cups. “Okay, there’s a _but._ She thinks we should close down the west side location.”

“It’s less busy,” Aloy says, not especially invested.

“Varl manages the west side location.”

Aloy sighs and turns around, giving the conversation her full attention. “What’s _actually_ the problem?”

“Nothing. Just...what would he do?”

Aloy shrugs. “Help here?”

Vala scowls. “You’re an only child, you don’t get it.”

“Probably not. Would it be so bad to have him here?”

Vala sighs. “ _No._ I guess not. I could use him here when I’m not. We have pretty complimentary schedules. Though you do a good enough job on your own.” Aloy smiles at the compliment and goes back to restocking. “You know,” Vala says. “It might not even be an issue though. It’d take a few months to officially close the place down, considering how mom is about that stuff. And Varl might be moving in the summer.”

Aloy glances over her shoulder. “Seriously? Why?”

“Dunno. He hasn’t told mom, but he’s wanting a change.”

Aloy shakes her head. “Sona won’t like it.”

“No, but he’s graduating at the end of the semester. Does she just expect him to hang around here forever?”

Aloy shrugs. She’s certainly considered leaving herself, after school. It’d hurt to be parted from Rost, from where he’s buried, but change is good for the soul. Another thing he said. He’d talked a lot about them moving when she was younger, but business was booming, he was busy, and she liked her schools. Staying local to go to college made sense, especially given all he’d done for her to make it easy.

She’s still thinking on this well after Vala takes off for her afternoon lab, while she’s leaning against the counter, highlighting her readings for her anthro class. Sylens is _killing_ her with articles this semester, and if she weren’t in a class with twenty other people she’d be taking it personally, but —

“Uh, excuse me.”

Aloy looks up, and there’s Erend.

He grins. “Hey.”

“Hey yourself.” She turns and takes one of their big tea mugs from the shelf behind her. “Usual, professor?”

“Yeah, thanks.” He leans over and glances at notes. “Class tonight?”

“Yeah. Anthro four-eighty.”

“Sounds like a drag.”

“It’s not,” she says. “Just a lot of work.” Erend always drinks black tea, plain, nothing in it. “You sure I can’t talk you into trying something else?”

He snorts. “It’s just gonna get cold on the table. No need to get fancy.”

“Right. Well this one’s on the house then, at least.”

“Hey—”

Aloy pushes the mug toward him. “Seriously. Just take it. Don’t argue.”

Erend raises a brow and drops a couple bills into the top jar. “Alright,” he says. “If the lady insists.” He picks up the cup, gives her a _cheers_ gesture, and heads to his usual table.

Varl comes in to replace her later, complaining about his mom closing the west side store, about Vala organizing the coffee syrups the wrong way. Aloy gives him a sympathetic pat on the shoulder and grabs her things, pulling her jacket on as she heads out.

“Night, Aloy.”

She stops. Erend hasn’t looked up from his work, but she can see him smiling.

“Night, professor.”

He finally glances at her as she’s heading out the door. Aloy waves lamely before jogging across the street to get to class.

 

* * *

 

Every so often she can be convinced to to get a drink with Vala and a few of her friends. She usually says no because usually Bast is there — and he is tonight, in full force, which Aloy will somehow tolerate — but this week has absolutely kicked her ass and a few drinks out seems like a good way to unwind on a Saturday night.

It doesn’t hurt that she spots Erend at the second bar they wind up in, and at that point she’s a little buzzed already. She tells Vala she’s going to get drinks, goes over to the bar, and waits for him to notice.

He _has_ to notice. They’ve spent almost two weeks kind of half-flirting, him a bit more than her just because she’s always been atrocious at that sort of thing. Aloy goes to the bar and orders a round, loud enough so Erend _and_ the bartender can hear. When she turns to scan the crowd, he’s looking right at her.

“Hey,” she says.

He downs whatever’s in his glass and sets it down with a bang. “ _Hey._ ”

Aloy pulls back. He’s practically giving off _fumes_ and it isn’t pleasant. “Uh, are you okay?”

“Me? I’m _fine_ ,” he says. Someone he must know pushes another glass into his hand and he drains half of it in one go. “But _not_ as fine as—” He belches. “As you.”

“Erend—”

He frowns. “How do you know my name?”

“...Are you serious?” The bartender sets her beers on a tray. Aloy turns and hands her the cash. “I’m _Aloy._ From the coffee shop. You see me _every_ week.”

Erend raises a brow. “ _Aloy._ No,” he says. “Doesn’t ring a bell.”

“Incredible.” Aloy grabs the tray and turns, leaving him behind.

When she gets back to their table she must _look_ furious, because Vala puts a gentle hand on her shoulder and asks, “What’s wrong?”

“It’s nothing. Don’t worry about it.” She takes the beer and drinks almost half of it herself.

 _Stupid, stupid girl_ , she thinks. _What did you_ think _was going to happen?_

Aloy groans inwardly. She knows what she wanted to happen, at the very least. She wanted him to remember her, be happy to see her. Maybe spend the evening with her, buy her a couple of drinks, talk to her about his classes and his research. Talk about...about _family_ or friends or _something._

She did not expect this sloppy, drunken mess who could barely say her name, let alone buy her anything. They’re leaving when someone puts a warm hand on her arm and pulls her back.

“Wait, Aloy—” Erend doesn’t _look_ much better, but his speech is a little less slurred.

Still. She’s less than impressed as she pulls her arm out of his grasp. “What?”

“I’m sorry—”

“ _Aloy! We’re leaving!_ ”

She looks to Vala, then back at Erend. “I have to go.”

“Just let me—”

“I’m _going_ , Erend.” She pushes his lingering hand away. “Pull yourself together,” she snaps, and walks quickly out of the bar.

Outside, Vala peers over her shoulder. “Who was that?”

Aloy scowls. “No one. Don’t worry about it.”

 

* * *

 

She has no idea why she feels _terrible._ She doesn’t _know_ Erend. He isn’t her friend. They literally just met. But for some reason every time she remembers the way he said, _doesn’t ring a bell_ , her stomach flips.

God, she just...she wants to _hit him._

The feeling doesn’t go away when she sees him in the café again. He orders tea and she doesn’t answer when he asks if they can talk. When she goes to clean up after customers she doesn’t look his way, even though she can see he’s trying to get her attention. Aloy is _hoping_ he’s going to get the hint, but at the end of the night he comes to the counter, puts down his mug and asks, “Will you stop ignoring me?”

Aloy turns and takes the cup, maintaining eye contact with him as she dumps the cold tea out in the sink.

“...That should not be as threatening as it was.”

She sets the mug down. “What do you want, Erend?”

He sighs, scrubs a hand over his face. “I’m trying to apologize.”

“Apologize for what?”

“Seriously? You’re gonna make me do this.” Aloy glances up at him sharply and he scowls. “Yes, okay, _fine._ I am sorry I was...falling down drunk.”

“And?”

“And...that I forgot who you were. That...was embarrassing.”

“It was.”

Erend sighs. “Look, I want to make it up to you. Let me take you to breakfast this weekend.”

Aloy folds her arms over her chest. “Breakfast?”

“Yeah. I’ll, uh. I’ll pay.”

Aloy nods. “Yeah. You will.”

Erend shakes his head. “You could make anything sound threatening, couldn’t you?”

She shrugs and turns around to keep cleaning things up, but leaves the lights on for him anyway.

 

* * *

 

When they meet on Sunday outside the coffee shop, he says to her, very seriously, “This isn’t date, alright? So you’re not allowed to fall in love with me.”

Aloy raises a brow. “I don’t really see that being a problem.”

“Great!” He grins and gestures for her to walk alongside him. “I love this already.” He takes her to a little place just up the street from Nora’s Brave and they sit inside by a window overlooking the street. It’s cozy and Erend seems to know just about everyone who works there, rattling off his order without even looking at the menu. Once they’re alone again, he turns to her and sighs. “So.”

“ _So._ ”

“I’m really sorry about last weekend. Again.”

“It’s okay, Erend.”

“No, it’s...really not. I’m having a hard time with some things right now and my buddies said we should have some drinks, just not think about things for a while and I just...went too far. Like I always do.” He ran a hand through his hair. “Not my best moment.”

“Agreed.”

“God, you are _brutal._ ”

Aloy shrugs and takes a sip of her juice. She could explain to him that Rost didn’t believe in sparing people's’ feelings or beating around the bush, but she’s still a little frustrated about the other night and isn’t particularly keen on sharing too much with him.

“You’d get on well with my sister,” he mutters, tearing open a couple sugar packets and dumping them into his coffee.

“Your sister?”

“Yeah, Ersa. You’re both, uh. Very _blunt._ ” He stirred and took a sip. “So. Tell me about anthropology.”

Aloy raises a brow. “You have a phone.”

“I _meant_ why you were studying it. For crying out loud, Aloy.”

She laughs. He’s got easy feathers to ruffle. “Alright, alright.” She leans forward. “I’ve just...always been interested in other people. How they lived, what they did. There’s not much digging left to do, but there’s a lot of things about the past we still don’t know.” She shrugs. “It just...seemed like the right choice.”

Erend nods. “I hear you about the digging. I’m basically a glorified geochemist. No one’s sending me anywhere to dig up core samples any time soon.”

“Pity. I’m sure you’re easier to miss once you’ve been gone a while.”

“It’s been said,” he mutters, smiling at her over the top of his mug.

They spend an easy morning together, and Aloy can see why it might be easy to fall for him. That’s not going to happen, of course. She’s busy and there’s _no way_ she’s going to forget the other night. That under this easy, warm, pie crust exterior is something maybe she’s not ready to see. Erend probably knows this about himself. He’s aware that he’s a complete mess, and even says as much. Why, though, Aloy isn’t really sure.

Rost always said that people kept a hundred secrets for a hundred reasons. That most people were always just behaving like a version of themselves they wanted you to see.

If that’s how Erend wants to play this, then Aloy understands. Last weekend was ugly. Like she’d peered under a bandage before she was supposed to.

But right now, on an easy Sunday morning, with winter wasting away behind them, she can enjoy the person he’d like her to know.

It’s not like she isn’t wearing masks, too.

 

* * *

 

“So who’s Erend?”

Aloy looks up from where she’s trying to clean the steamer, caught completely off guard. “What?”

Vala inspects her nails, like she isn’t digging precisely for the information she wants to hear.

“Erend,” she says again. “Who is he? Petra says you’ve been hanging out.”

Aloy straightens. “You know Petra?”

“Yes. Quit dodging the question. Is he that guy that was super sloppy at the bar last month?”

“Uh, yeah. He is.”

Vala nods. “Okay. So what’s happening?”

“We’re friends,” Aloy says, going back to the task at hand. “It’s not a big deal.”

“He’s a lot older than you.”

“Six years,” Aloy says. “Not an obscene age difference. Also we’re just friends.”

Vala snorts. “Unlikely.”

“ _Really_ ,” Aloy insists. “It’s a mutually agreed upon arrangement.”

Vala shakes her head. “Maybe for you, but you’re a _catch._ He’s the one who comes in here and grades papers or whatever a few times a week, I’ve seen him. He’s a six, Aloy. You’re a solid nine. Nine and a half when you actually put effort into your hair.”

Aloy tosses her rag aside and turns to Vala. “What’s up?”

“Nothing. Just...making sure you know you can do better.”

“Again, not trying to do better, _or_ worse. Just hanging out with a new friend.”

“Alright, alright.” Vala raises her hands. “I mean, you’d make a cute enough couple. Like you’re beautiful, and he’s got that...barrel chested academic weightlifter thing going for him, you know?”

Aloy shakes her head. “You made that up five seconds ago.”

“I did, yeah, but it’s just what comes to mind.” Vala goes back to counting down the till and Aloy keeps going down the line of machines, making sure they're working before Sona comes in the next morning for her monthly inspection.

She and Erend _have_ been spending more time together, it's true. Last week he fell asleep on her couch and she just left him there. When she woke up the next morning, he was sitting up looking like a bear that had hibernated a few days too long. The day before she’d gone to another café in town and watched someone he knows play a set while they had drinks. Two drinks max, had been his promise, and he’d kept it.

Aloy enjoys Erend. Or at least the Erend she's allowed to see. For a moment, for the _briefest_ moment, that morning on the couch, he’d seemed panicked, not really sure where he was, and she thought she was seeing another part she wasn’t supposed to, but he’d calmed down easy enough, apologized a hundred times, and then made her pancakes.

They’d been pretty good, actually.

“Speaking of,” Vala murmurs, and Aloy looks up to see Erend coming into the café, sans his usual bag and foot high stack of papers.

He comes to the counter and grins. “I wondered if you worked today.”

“I do.”

“Perfect. That show we went to last week, want to see another?”

“I could do that.”

“Great.” He pulls something from his pocket and hands it to her, a little ad for whoever’s performing. “It’s someone my sister knows, so she and the guy she’s been _not_ dating for three years are going to it and I thought you’d want to come. Finally meet your soul mate Ersa.”

“I have always felt an intense connection between us.”

Erend rolls his eyes. “Funny. Can’t wait to see all the ways this blows up spectacularly in my face.”

Aloy shrugs. “It’s your idea.”

“Unfortunately, yes. But yeah, tonight at nine. See you there?”

“Definitely.” Aloy takes the paper and slips it into his back pocket.

Erend grins. “Alright.” He reaches out and gives her arm a squeeze, then gives Vala a quick wave. “See you.”

Aloy watches him go, probably just _two_ seconds too long, and she hears Vala whistle low behind her.

“Just _friends_ my ass,” she mutters.

Aloy pretends she can’t hear.

 

* * *

 

Ersa is not quite how Aloy imagined her. For some reason she’d just...sort of been imagining Erend, but with longer hair, no beard. She’s different — still with the same soft features of her cheeks and chin her brother has, but thinner, her clothes hanging off her in little ways that don’t seem right.

Rost looked like that, before he died. It’s a thought Aloy takes and immediately buries. She’s not about to tell Erend his sister looks like she has _cancer._

“So _you’re_ Aloy. You’re way prettier than Erend said.” Ersa winks.

Erend nudges her with his elbow. “Keep it in your pants. Where’s Avad?”

“Getting drinks.”

Aloy leans over. “Is Avad the _not_ boyfriend?”

“The one and only,” Erend mutters.

“Stop keeping secrets,” Ersa says, not taking her eyes off the stage. Avad does come back with a round of beers for them. He’s quiet, with kind eyes, and keeps close to Ersa for the night. If he’s not her boyfriend, then they are both bad at keeping that under wraps. Aloy keeps averting her eyes to avoid the sort of furtive, desperate glances they keep throwing one another through the night.

“See?” Erend says later, when they’ve both gone backstage to talk to Ersa’s friend. “Absolutely disgusting.”

Aloy rolls her eyes. “He cares about her.”

“Yeah, well he could at least _admit_ he loves her.”

“Telling people how you feel is hard, Erend.”

“Well Ersa’s _dying._ You’d think he’d get a move on.”

Aloy opens her mouth to say something, but...there isn’t much to say. Erend pauses before taking another drink.

“...Shit,” he mutters. “I...shouldn’t have said it that way. That was stupid. Forget I mentioned it.” He finishes off his drink and moves to get up and get another, but seems to think better of it.

“...You can,” Aloy says. “If you want.”

Erend shakes his head. “No. I need to get my shit together.”

She nods. “Okay. Why don’t we go get food or something?”

“Ersa’s—”

“Going home,” she says, coming back to the table. She’s leaning heavily on Avad. “I’m beat.”

Erend stands quickly and goes to her. “You’re okay?”

“Yeah,” she says. “Nothing to worry about. Just kind of late for this old lady. Keep an eye on him, Aloy. He’s a little shit, but you’ve probably already figured that out.”

“Short leash,” Aloy says, and Erend audibly groans, sitting heavily in his chair.

They watch Ersa and Avad head out. Erend sighs and turns to her.

“Okay. Let’s go eat.”

 

* * *

 

 _Let’s go eat_ turns into _let’s sit on someone’s couch and order out_ , which is how she winds up in Erend’s sweatpants, sitting on his living room floor, and arguing over brown versus white rice.

“It’s _all carbs_ ,” he says, “and that’s my final opinion on the matter.”

“But brown rice is _good carbs_.”

“There is no such thing. You’re making that up.”

Aloy throws her hands up. “You’re a scientist!”

“I study rocks!”

“And you apparently eat them!”

Erend laughs and tosses the menu in her face before going to his fridge. “Beer?”

Aloy hesitates.

“...Water,” he says. “How about water?”

“Erend, don’t let me stop you—”

He turns to her. “You’re not stopping me. You’re helping me. And I didn’t even have to ask you.”

Aloy nods, uncomfortable still with the idea that he’s just...not his real self in front of her. At first it was fine, she enjoyed the person who wore the mask.

But right now she’s wearing his clothes, and he’s sitting very close to her and he told her his sister was dying—

“Tell me about Ersa,” she says.

Erend starts, passing her a glass filled to the brim with tap water. “...What about her?”

“Like...what was it like having an older sibling?”

He scowls. “Pain in the fucking neck. She was always bossing me around, telling me how to live my life. If I was dating someone she didn’t like, she’d let me know. If she thought my friends were assholes, she’d say so. She was just always riding my ass over one thing or another.” He leans back against the couch. “But that’s probably what saved me, you know? Ersa was there for me every day of my life. If she hadn’t told me I was spiraling, I wouldn’t be alive right now. Like I’m not saying I’m perfect, you know that, but...I’m better off than I was.” He glances at her. “Is that what you wanted to know?”

Aloy manages to nod. Her mouth is dry, so she drinks. Not a fix.

“What about your family?” Erend asks.

 _Ah_ , she thinks. _So the mask is slipping._

“I don’t have one.”

“Only child?”

Aloy shakes her head. “I mean, yeah, I don’t have a sister or anything. I just...I only ever had Rost.”

“...Rost.”

“He raised me. I think he was a friend of my mother’s...maybe. We never really talked about it.”

Erend sits up. “So...wait. Some guy just...brought you up? Like, no questions asked?” Aloy nods. “...Huh. That’s...honorable.”

“...Not what I expected you to say.”

Erend shrugs. “Hey, my dad was a shithead and a drunk. I’m lucky I didn’t wind up going the same way. Not that there isn’t a chance, but there’s a significantly better chance I turn out okay at the end of...all this.” He waves in front of him. “Mostly because of Ersa, but…” Erend looks at her. “More recently because of you.”

Aloy ducks her head.

“I know, I know,” he says. “Like I said, you’re under no obligation to stick around and make sure I’m okay. But...having you around hasn’t exactly _hurt._ I, uh—” He stops and laughs. “I just appreciate you. You don’t pull your punches.”

Aloy smiles. “Rost was all about being pragmatic and straightforward, whether egos got bruised in the process or not.”

Erend nods. “He sounds like a solid guy.”

“He’d have really liked you,” Aloy says.

She realizes she is leaning very close, and that their knees are touching.

“...Aloy—”

Someone starts banging on the door and shouts, “ _Hot Wok here!_ ”

“ _Shit._ ” Erend jumps and goes to the door, shoving cash in the guy’s hand and taking the bags. He turns to her, the expression on his face so open, so completely _maskless_ now —

And then it’s back.

“You’re stupid brown rice is here.”

“It’s not _stupid_ ,” Aloy snaps, and they settle back into their usual banter.

But she did enjoy where they were, just for those few minutes.

Felt like something real.

 

* * *

 

It’s a Wednesday afternoon when Erend drops off the face of the planet. He stops coming in to grade, stops swinging by to invite her to shows, stops texting her stupid pictures in the middle of the night. Aloy texts him to see if he’s up for a show coming up, but gets nothing. She even calls, but it goes straight to his voice mail. She asks Nil, who seems to know everything about everyone, but even he comes up empty handed.

Petra doesn’t come in for a while either, but when she finally does she looks completely wrecked as she tells Aloy what’s happened — that Ersa fell, in her and Avad’s apartment, that she’s been fading for the last four or five days, and Erend is handling everything about as well as you’d expect.

“...Actually...actually he’s doing _better_ than I thought he might. I mean it’s not perfect, but you know—”

“Is Ersa going to be okay?”

Petra looks pained. “...No,” she says. “I don’t think so.”

Aloy doesn’t have time to be upset with Erend for not bringing her into this particular fold of his life. She isn’t his girlfriend, she isn’t his family, he doesn’t owe her that.

But...she feels like she owes _him_ something. Nothing she can put her finger on, but that night they sat together and talked about Ersa and Rost...it meant something.

Aloy turns to Vala who is already ushering her out. “Go,” she says. “Seriously, don’t come back until you’ve told that lug you’re, like, in love with him.”

Aloy winces. “Right now doesn’t seem to be the best time.”

Vala smirks. “So it’s true then.”

“I—” Aloy stops, apron halfway over her head. “I didn’t say—”

“Go!” Vala and Petra both shout, and Aloy nods, booking it out of the café.

 

* * *

 

It takes her twenty minutes to figure out where Ersa is. The room is dark and there’s a shadowy lump curled up in the chair by her bed. Aloy approaches carefully.

“Erend…”

He huffs, swatting in her general direction. “Five minutes.”

“Erend, it’s me.”

“...Aloy?” He sits up and looks at her, and the expression on his face absolutely _breaks_ her. “Shit. _Aloy._ ” He pulls her in for a bone crushing hug, and she lets the moment last for a while. “God, I’m sorry I didn’t call you back, I just—”

“You’re taking care of your sister,” Aloy says, and cups his cheek. “That’s what matters.”

Erend nods and stands. “She’s, uh...she’s fading fast. Faster every day.”

“There’s nothing they can do.”

He shakes his head. “We were always heading this way. It was just a matter of time.”

Aloy reaches for his hands, gathering them up in her own and bringing them to her lips. “I’m so sorry,” she murmurs, and lets him pull her close.

“...Told you she liked you,” Ersa says from her bed.

Erend starts and turns to her. “ _Hey._ You need your sleep. Save the roast for later.”

“Don’t say stupid shit,” she mutters. “S’not gonna _be_ a later.”

“You’re such a dick,” he says, and kisses her forehead.

Ersa huffs a laugh. “You never wondered where you got it from?”

Aloy watches them with a smile and carefully backs out of the room. She spots Avad a little ways down the hall talking to a nurse. When he sees her he smiles and waves her over.

“Did you see them?”

“I did. She just woke up if you wanted…”

Avad shakes his head. “I’ve said what I needed to say to Ersa. Her final moments should be with her brother.”

“...You think these are it?”

“I do. But we’ll see, won’t we?” He puts a hand on her shoulder. “It was good of you to come and be with Erend. He respects you. And...cares for you.”

Aloy nods. “I care for him, too.”

“That’s good. Why don’t you and I get some coffee and...and then we’ll—”

“No.” Aloy takes his hand and squeezes it. “You love her. You should go be with her. Moments can be shared. Erend would never deny you this.”

Avad opens his mouth to argue, but then nods. “You’re right,” he says, and moves quickly back to Ersa’s room.

Aloy isn’t sure what to do with herself, so she goes and gets that coffee, then paces around the waiting room. When she finally goes back, Erend is talking to someone, Avad is sitting in a chair, and Ersa is…

“She’s gone,” Erend says.

“Erend…” Aloy pulls him to her. “What can I do?”

“Nothing,” he says, but not unkindly. “You’ve done a lot already. For me. I just...need to take care of this. Can I call you tomorrow?”

“Of course.”

He nods, and presses his lips to her forehead, probably without even thinking about it. Aloy watches him go before she heads home.

 

* * *

 

Ersa is laid to rest a few days later. Aloy tries to stand away from Erend and their friends, but he brings her into their circle, and holds tight to her hand.

She is so worried he’s going to drink at the wake, held in someone’s house, full of people she doesn’t know. He nurses a glass of scotch for a while, but Aloy decides not to keep an eye on that particular element. This is his sister. He is allowed to grieve how he’d like.

After, she drives his car back to his apartment and helps him inside. He’s not drunk as much as he’s tired, stumbling as he toes off his shoes by the front door. Aloy wonders when he last slept properly.

“Thank you,” he says.

“You don’t need to say that,” she murmurs and helps him sit on the edge of the bed, stripped out of his jacket and tie, scattered like spare shadows on the carpet.

“I do,” he says. “You…” He takes her hand. “I really don’t deserve to be around you.”

“Don’t talk like that. It’s sounds stupid.”

Erend snorts. “See? You just...you give it to me straight.”

Aloy kisses the top of his head and he wraps his arms around her waist.

“Should I stay?” she asks.

“Only if you want.”

Aloy nods. “I do, Erend.” She pulls back and takes off her shoes, going to the other side of the bed. They both roll toward the center, facing one another. Erend reaches out and cups her cheek.

“I was glad you were there,” he says. “At the hospital. And today.”

“I’m just glad you didn’t toss me out.”

Erend huffs. “Why would I? Everything you do, everything you’ve done for me—”

Aloy shakes her head. “I haven’t _done_ anything.”

“You don’t...you don’t understand. It’s not the _doing_ , Aloy. It’s...the being. Being here. Being around me. I don’t know you just...make me better.”

“I haven’t tried, Erend.” She sits up on her elbow. “You keep talking like you’re...you’re _broken._ You aren’t. I didn’t fix you. You wanted to get better. You wanted to stop drinking, to be good to yourself.” She presses her forehead to his. “Ersa was so good to you, wasn’t she?”

“I let her down so many times. When she got sick, I promised I’d take care of her.”

Aloy nods, and it’s so easy to take his face in her hands and kiss him, hold him close and keep him from trembling apart in her arms. He unfolds for her, rolling her over and kissing her back, one hand in her hair the other at her waist. She’s still in her black dress from the funeral, eager to get out of it any way she can. When he touches the zipper at the back, she nods.

After that it’s an awkward mess of arms and legs and by the time she has it off, Erend is on his back, his shirt open, and _laughing._

“It’s funny then? Me barely able to undress myself?”

“Yeah,” he says. “It kind of is.” Aloy looks down at him fondly. “I’m sorry,” he murmurs, reaching out to take her hand, pulling it to his chest. “I don’t think I can ravage you tonight.”

“That’s okay.” Aloy tucks herself into the crook of his arm. “But I broke my promise.”

“What’s that?”

“The one I made when you took me out to breakfast. About falling in love with you.”

Erend sighs. “Oh boy. That’s gonna be a problem.”

“Why?” She looks up at him.

Erend rubs her shoulder. “I mean, I know I didn’t promise, but I went and fell in love with you, too.”

Aloy hums. “Look at us,” she says.

“Yeah. What a pair we are.”

 

* * *

 

She’s up early the next morning, with a text from Vala that tells her to take a couple days. Sometime in the night Erend managed to get out of his shirt, but he’s sleeping soundly under his blanket, and probably will for a few more hours. Aloy gets up — she doesn’t mind staying with him for a while, but she _needs_ to shower. Grabbing a few of his things from the dresser, she slips into the bathroom.

When she comes out, Erend is sitting up in bed, looking more than a little lost.

“You’re still here,” he says.

“I slept here.”

“No, I know. I just...thought you might go to work or something.”

Aloy shakes her head. “Taking a couple more days. You should grab a shower, I can make coffee and breakfast.”

“M’not hungry.”

“Erend you should eat.” She goes to him and kisses him quick before he can argue. “Seriously.”

He sighs against her mouth. “That’s not how you’re going to get me to do things from here on out. You got that?”

“If it works it works.”

“Also you can’t just always wear my clothes.”

Aloy shrugs. “Dunno. Kind of seems like I can.” She kisses him one more time before turning away, taking no small amount of pleasure in his eager groan.

 

* * *

 

Moving far from the bedroom doesn’t really seem to be on Erend’s to do list for the day. Aloy brings him their breakfast, and they sit in bed and Erend asks her about Rost and the café, about school and what she was like as a kid.

“I had scabby knees. _All_ the time.”

“I believe it,” he says. “I always had a black eye. Either from Ersa or some other neighborhood punk. Couldn’t stay out of a scrap.”

“That’s cute.”

“I know, it’s criminal how adorable I used to be,” he says and moves their breakfast to the floor.

“I wasn’t done.”

“You can finish after.” He pauses. “If…”

Aloy pulls him in, kisses him open mouthed and wet. “If you don’t make good on your promise to ravage me, I’ll leave. And I’ll take your clothes with me.”

“You’re a monster,” he mutters.

“I can be.”

“God, you’re gonna make me crazy.”

Aloy laughs. “Good.” She lays back against the pillows and he settles between her legs with ease, mouth never leaving hers for very long. He does pull back to kiss her jaw and the curve of her neck, to nip at her earlobe while she works at his sweater, pulling it up and over his head and tossing it away. His chest is hot to touch, and it feels good to rise up against it, rolling her hips against his burgeoning erection and earning herself a desperate groan.

“ _Aloy_.”

She doesn’t answer. What he wants — what they _both_ want — is obvious, and laid, almost, bare before them. Aloy shrugs out of the button up she’s only been half wearing all morning anyway, and Erend immediately ducks his head to take one of her nipples into his mouth. She gasps as he nips the sensitive skin before moving to the other, then pressing his lips between her breasts. Aloy is so engrossed with the feel of his lips on her chest she barely notices that he has slid off the boxers she stole, down over the swell of her ass and the length of her thighs, to join everything else on the floor.

“These legs,” he mutters, and settles between her knees, pressing his lips to the inside of one of her thighs, then the other.

“God, Erend, _please._ ”

“Easy, babe. You don’t have to beg.”

Aloy sits up on her elbows, quite prepared to tell him that _babe_ is not an acceptable nickname —

The first push of his tongue on her core silences her. Almost. She tilts her head back and cannot help it when she says, “Oh, _God_ , yes.”

Erend stops. The look she gives him spurs him on again.

Her entire body tenses when his middle finger presses gently inside her. “Relax,” he murmurs. “Just relax.” Aloy nods, allowing herself to rest against the pillows and feel him pressing her open, his tongue always hovering just above her clit while one, then two, fingers tease at her. “Feels good?”

“Yeah, yeah it feels good.”

“One more?”

“ _Mmhm._ ”

Erend chuckles and, after a minute or so, a third finger slides alongside the others, stretching her properly. He _crooks_ them, just so, stroking inside her, like pressing the button that makes everything _go._ Aloy cries out and Erend laves his tongue against her, brings the thumb of his other hand to press at her clit and when she finally does come, it is hardly with a whimper.

What a _rush_ , she thinks. Her muscles move without permission, trying to hold him in even as he pulls his fingers out and brings one to her lips to lick clean.

“Good?”

She hums in response.

Erend laughs again before getting up to shove his pants down and away, digging in his bedside table. Aloy watches lazily as he tears open the foil packet and rolls the condom over the length of his cock. She reaches for him, and he takes her hand in his, bringing it to his lips as he settles back between her legs.

“Still okay?” he asks, and Aloy nods. She likes their little call and response. _You good? Yeah, I’m good._ Just a touch here or there, a look in her eye, a gentle nod. Communicating with him is so easy. She cups his cheek and kisses him, and it’s in that moment, between mouths opening against one another, one tongue sliding against the other, that he presses the head of his cock against her and, with an easy roll of his hips, is inside her.

Aloy hasn’t been with anyone in a while, so the discomfort comes quick, but is gone just as fast. Erend holds himself there for a few seconds, breathing through the feeling being surrounded, while Aloy slips one of her legs around his waist.

She squeezes him inside her and that’s it. Erend releases a breath against her cheek and starts moving, thrusting slow at first before he falls into the rhythm of it. Aloy grasps him to her — she’ll ride him next time, and the idea of being above him, grasping his hands to her breasts while she arches her back and cries out brings a smile to her face, but she is just as happy to be here, to press herself against him and keep him close.

He needs her, right now. He won’t, later. Aloy knows this much about him.

She has been allowed, now, to see behind the mask.

“ _Aloy_.” He mutters something about how _good_ she feels, how good she makes _him_ feel. Aloy wants more, she wants him deeper inside her, she wants him to _fuck_ her because she wants to feel as much as she can.

“Erend—”

“Yeah,” he says, and with a snap of his hips his thrusts grow rougher, still keeping time with the ever quickening beats of their hearts. It’s only in the last few minutes that everything gets a little frantic, with Aloy’s hands in his hair, kissing him, pressing him against her neck and holding him close. She loves, she loves, she _loves_ and when he is finished, when he thrusts once, then again, then one last time and comes with a groan — she hears it.

“I love you.”

A cliche. A trite, overused moment to express how one might feel, but god above there is a _reason_ for all that nonsense after all, isn’t there? Aloy laughs, she is delighted, she is _overjoyed_ — and Erend laughs, too.

 

* * *

 

She stays with him for a few days, and then goes back to work. Some mornings are better than others. She comes back to his apartment one afternoon and there are photos scattered on the floor while he sits among them, looking as though he isn’t sure how it all got there.

“Let’s clean these up,” she says, and starts placing things back in their box.

Another day he is solid, making calls and arrangements. While Ersa is buried, she still has an apartment she shared with Avad full of her things, and Avad has no intention of living there alone.

“We’ll have to clear it out.”

Aloy nods, closing the lid of the pizza box and moving it to the counter. “Just tell me when.”

Erend toys with the edge of his plate for a few seconds before he says gently, “It’ll just be me and Avad, actually.”

“...Oh.”

“You’ve been... _incredible._ ” He gets up and stands behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist. “But I should do this on my own. I _can_ do it on my own.”

Aloy turns and grips his shirt in her hand, pulling him closer. “Then you do this on your own.”

“Can I have the week? It’s not like I’m trying to get away, it’s just...it’s gonna be messy. I think maybe I need to be on my own for that.”

“If you’re sure…”

“You’ve done nothing but good things for me,” he says, and kisses her. “I’ll be okay for a little bit.”

“I know,” she says quickly and looks away.

Erend reaches under her chin, forcing her eyes on him. “Thank you,” he says. “For everything you’ve done.”

Aloy shrugs. “For some reason I like you. And I’ll be here when you need me.”

“For _some reason_ , she says. Like it isn’t obvious that it’s my charm and wit and stunning good looks—”

Aloy silences him with a kiss. “Don’t push your luck.”

 

* * *

 

True to her word, she leaves him alone for the week. Space is what he wanted, and so space is what she gives him. After being so tied together for almost four days, Aloy will admit it’s nice to get back to her apartment, back to class, and back to work.

“So? You told him you loved him?” Vala is as smug as ever, looking pleased with herself while Aloy finds herself back inside the pastry case, trying to make the blueberry muffins look perfect.

“Yes, Vala. I told him I loved him.”

Vala’s expression softens. “How’s he doing?”

“Better than I thought he might. He’s cleaning out her apartment this week, so I’m giving him his space. We’ll see where we stand after.” For a reason she can’t understand, Aloy thinks that this might be the catalyst for the end of...everything. Like she can see it so clearly, but the actual _getting_ there is foggy.

“Don’t be like that.” Vala turns and starts rearranging the tea containers that Varl had “fixed” the day before. “He loves you back. I told you, didn’t I? I said you’d look good together.”

“Yes, Vala. You did say that.” Aloy feels a soft had at the small of her back, and when she turns around, Vala is looking at her so sweetly, the expression on her face so good and open. “Hey…”

“I know it’s been tough for you, too. Since you lost Rost. Coming here...working for us. I’m so glad you did, Aloy. I’m so glad you wandered into this stupid café and asked for a job on a whim. I’m glad my mom took a chance on you and I’m glad it all paid off. You were meant to be here, because we were meant to be friends. You were meant to meet Erend right here. You know if you think about it, we kind of changed your life.”

Aloy rolls her eyes. “I can’t believe I thought you were having a moment of _humility_ and _grace._ ”

Vala _cackles._ “Ha! Why would I do that when I could just take credit for you finally getting laid?”

 

* * *

 

At the end of the week, Aloy closes up on her own, and finds Erend waiting outside Nora’s Brave.

“Hey, I’m in love with this really pretty barista,” he says. “You haven’t seen her around by chance?”

Aloy moves into his arms and pretends to think. “Not sure...red hair?”

“Yep.”

“This tall?”

“Mmhm.”

“A little too forward for most men's’ tastes?”

Erend laughs. “Well I’d never say it to her face…” He leans in and kisses her. “I lived.”

“You did. How was it?”

“Hellish, sometimes. Pretty great, others. Ersa didn’t keep clutter, so it was mostly just clothes. I kept some of it. The hospital gave me this grief pamphlet. All I’ve done is break arbitrary rules for mourning your loved ones all week.” He presses his forehead to hers. “I’m _exhausted._ ”

“Take me home?” she asks.

Erend nods. “Absolutely. I’ll make you dinner.”

“I have pancake mix, salsa, and a bottle of vodka.”

“I will _buy_ you dinner,” he says, rolling his eyes. “Come on, you.”

Aloy kisses him one last time before going around to the other side of the car. She settles in, watching him buckle and take a nice deep breath. She wonders if it’s his first or second.

“I’m not...done yet,” he says. “Missing her.”

“You probably won’t be. Not for a while.”

Erend nods. “Yeah. I just...I need you to know. I don’t take you for granted.”

“I know that.”

“Seriously, Aloy.” He angles himself toward her. The light from the streetlamp casts warm, sulfur shadows across his face, and he reaches out to take one of her hands in his and press it to his lips. “You could have let me deal with this, but you stayed.”

“Erend.” Aloy takes her other hand and cups his chin. “I said I love you. And when I said it, I meant it. For me? That’s sticking around. Even when it gets messy.”

“It’s gonna get messy.”

Aloy shrugs. “Then we get messy together.” He raises an eyebrow. She pulls her hand out of his grip. “Ugh. You’re supposed to be in mourning.”

“I _really_ wish you’d known Ersa better. She’d have _loved_ that joke.”

“Take me home, dummy. I’m starving.”

“Yeah,” he says. “Wouldn’t wanna miss out on all that _salsa_.”

She sticks her tongue out, but Erend only laughs. Laughs the entire way back to the apartment, telling her about the first place he shared with Ersa, how they ate bar food and PB&J’s for four months while they worked nonstop at this place downtown called Eli’s. How they recycled aluminum cans and glass bottles for coin to pay for bus fare and cheap beer from the drive-thru liquor store.

Aloy listens with rapt attention, as he makes her pancakes instead of ordering Chinese, as he starts talking about his dissertation and how he’s worried about stalling. She tells him about Rost and their first place that she remembers, how he scraped clean popcorn ceiling and she stood under it when she wasn’t supposed to and it snowed inside.

Later, she takes him to bed and straddles his waist and she makes him beg to be inside her. She arches her back and grasps his hands to her breasts and _feels_ him. In the morning there won’t be any pancakes left so they’ll go out and walk and argue about where to eat until it’s practically lunch. And later she’ll take him home and they’ll make love again because maybe, eventually, the touch of his hand at the back of her neck as she comes will become usual, become everyday, but —

For now, it’s new. For now, it’s everything. _They_ are everything.

And in the morning, before she even opens her eyes — she smells coffee.

**Author's Note:**

> tumblr @ weatheredlaw  
> title from "wildflowers" by the wailin' jennys


End file.
